Vegetarian?

I have been a lacto-ovo vegetarian since the late 80's. For years I fibbed and told anyone who questioned me that I became a vegetarian for health reasons. You see people often gave me an argument (I've never really understood why!) and tried to convince me that this was an unhealthy diet; it was just easier to pretend there was a medical reason for my choice. But in recent years I have decided that honesty truly is the best policy. And although the vegetarian thing was just a "little white lie" I began to feel unfaithful to myself and my beliefs. As I told one granddaughter, a devoted carnivore and an accomplished deer hunter, if I can't kill it I won't eat it.
However when we moved to Mexico and it appeared we would be spending a lot of time at sea, I made what I thought to be a practical decision: I would supplement my diet with fish. I mistakenly thought it might be difficult to acquire fresh dairy much of the time, and milk, cheese and yogurt supply much of my B12 as well as a large percentage of my protein. On returning to the eating of fish I discovered I could eat - and enjoy - the fillets of most white fish and fresh salmon, but shellfish, which I had once loved was, to put it politely, unpalatable.
 But last evening we joined our old and new friends for one last dinner as the four were leaving for San Diego this morning. I wasn't really hungry and tried to find something "light" on this menu which was geared almost entirely to fish with a couple of beef dishes.  I finally chose red snapper veracruz. Previous experience led me to believe I would be getting a nice fillet of fish with a delicious sauce of tomatoes, olives, onions and peppers. Well, the sauce was all I hoped for, but the fish...... it was deep-fried and  whole - head, tail and eye intact. I just stared at it, picked up my fork and began to poke it. Thank goodness no one had a camera handy as I am told my expression registered somewhere between aghast and revolted. I didn't say anything but the entire table laughed uproariously. Tawnya, who speaks fluent Spanish, called our waiter and explained politely that I couldn't eat the fish as it was presented. He came over and picked up my dish and remarked in English, "Okay, but it won't be as pretty!"
My plate returned with only fillets of snapper and sauce and I ate a good sized portion of my dinner. But I have to say, I am rethinking the eating of fish because,truthfully, I still cannot bring myself to kill one and  I now know that I am unable to look a fish in the eye and then eat it as it stares at me. I'm probably anthropomorphizing here...even dead and fried I could see he was giving me a doleful look.